A break from the New Orleans fun posts....

It's hard to believe a week ago I was in New Orleans. In fact, right about now we were at Lake Pontchartrain winding up our trip.

Forty eight hours from now, I should be out of surgery. (If I'm not, something went wrong!)

Don't feel great today. I've been really tired the past couple of days and today woke up feeling much worse.

Though I haven't finished all of my posts about New Orleans yet, I do want to say this: I loved it. We made some new friends, (Corinne and Trip). And I got to see some of my favorite places with some old friends.

I want to go back. I can't wait to go back. But I know that by this time next week I should be learning more about the long road ahead. I don't look forward to radiation treatment, and really hope it doesn't have to be anything more than that. If they want me to do chemo....well that could be an issue. It's not something I'm interested in.

I did go for my genetic counseling yesterday and within 2 - 4 weeks I might  know more about where this cancer came from. The clinician who did the interview said I had a higher than average chance of testing positive for a mutation in either the BRC1 or BRC2 genes. If I have to be a mutant, I wish it would have at least come with some sort of super power. Not fair X-men, not fair.

This whole process does become exhausting, and honestly not much has even happened yet. I've spent hours going through tests and doctors appointments already, but still nothing has actually happened, other than my  diagnosis. A woman from work told me the waiting is the hardest part, and since I'm not a patient person to begin with, I would have to agree.

The second hardest part is people. Seriously. Not the doctors. Not any medical personnel. They have been great, and have been very upfront and don't sugar coat anything. That I appreciate. No, the people I have an issue with are those who are supposed to be family and friends and still some have never once said a single word to me about it. Those, quite frankly, are assholes I can do without.  When complete strangers are more caring, compassionate, even just plain curious, than people I grew up with, or have known for years, well that tells you something about those people. Some of them I admit I have kept at a distance over the years because I didn't really care for their attitudes to begin with, and their behavior now only confirms to me that I was right in doing so. But I've learned there are other people I need to add to that list as well.  For years people have told me that I am kind, caring and considerate. I have very often put the needs and wants of others before my own. I ran a charity out of my home until very recently, and I have and still do a variety of charity work. I have helped out those close to me. I have my friends over for dinners and parties frequently and think they know if they need something they can always ask. So when I decided to do something for MYSELF for a change, a couple of people apparently had a problem with that. I was accused of not worrying about how they felt, and not being understanding. I wasn't being understanding? I wasn't worried how they felt? Well SHAME ON YOU KETTLE.  They can kiss my ass. I don't need that negativity, nor do I want it in my life. I'm terribly sorry if my cancer has become an inconvenience for anyone else.

Oh wait...No... I'm not.

So anyone who has an issue with me being selfish while dealing with my health issues, please...kindly go suck an egg.