What I've learned already...

It’s only been 5 days since I heard the words, “The test didn’t come back the way we had hoped.” But, despite everyone telling me to stay positive, I had already known. Hearing those words from the nurse, only confirmed what I had already been sure of.  A woman I work with who had breast cancer had told me the waiting was the worst. She knew she had it, but waiting for the confirmation was terrible. She could tell she had it. I know that feeling.

In this short amount of time, I have learned a whole lot of things I really hadn’t expected it. As far as my particular condition, I haven’t learned much at all! I know the results of a few tests.  I know the name of the doctor who will be taking care of me, but that’s about it for now.

What I have learned is about people. I’ve learned there are some really awesome people out there. My nurse/liaison at the breast center is wonderful. She’s supportive, gentle and on the ball. 

There are also some people out there who suck and look at you as a dollar sign and not as a person who may be a bit freaked out about what is going on. “Ah hell it’s just a little cancer, buck it up baby.”

I’ve also learned what happens when you tell people, “Yeah, um well hey…like… I have cancer.”

Often they lower their heads. They get “that” look. If they are really close to you, they may cry. They get quiet. They swear. They swear a lot. Loudly.

People you haven’t talked to for a long time will speak up and tell you they are thinking about you, which is nice to hear. Some people you talk to frequently will disappear. And a couple who are closely related to you will still be the assholes that they are and not respond at all.

People will ask questions, LOTS of questions. Most of the questions you won’t have answers for.  Some people have no idea what to say, and so they say that, and that is good too. 

I’ve learned there are people you know right away you will be able to count on them, others you aren’t sure about, and a few that you should probably just drop kick right out of your life.

But most of all, I know who are the ones I couldn’t live without, and I’m very thankful they are in my life. They know who they are, and they are loved very much.